


Burned

by 2cents



Category: Death Sentence (2007)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-09-11
Updated: 2011-09-11
Packaged: 2017-11-21 15:19:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/599263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2cents/pseuds/2cents
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Billy was recently released from jail and has to cope with the struggles of a very different life. Sequel to Boiler.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Day One

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: All recognizable characters belong to their rightful owners. This story was written purely for fun and entertainment; no infringement was intended, and no profit was made.

Lisa opened up her eyes, which didn't mean that she woke up – she didn't even sleep, and hated herself for that. She kept on telling herself that Billy didn't deserve her losing sleep over him, but she hasn't slept properly for the past three years. She kept on promising herself that she would sell that stupid king size bed, but she never did. Instead, Lisa lay on that same bed every night, but only slept when exhaustion hit. Every once in a while, she woke up with her arm stretched out to the side, as if she could reach him. She often reached her son.

Billy couldn't help but squint at the vast clarity that opened up in front of him. The world seemed brighter now that he was outside. This time, the sound of the gates closing behind him really meant freedom. That was the moment he'd been waiting for over three years, and now that it presented itself, Billy didn't know what to do with it.

He looked down at his left hand, missing something he had never worn: a wedding band. He knew that Lisa always wanted them to wear one, but in the world that Billy lived in, having a wife meant having something to lose, and he couldn't afford to lose her. Little did he know that he would end up losing her by his own fault. He didn't know where his leather jacket ended up, but he didn't miss it: the sky was as clear as it could be, that summer was relentless. The midday sun seemed to scorch his skin, but at least it smelled better on the streets than inside that damp, dirty cell.

Billy should be going home, but he stood in front of those gates, with the guards looking down on him like he was a stray dog. Was he? In his pockets, he had just about enough to get moving, and he finally started walking... but he didn't go too far. An old, faded red Dodge Monaco parked right across the street from where he was, and out came a woman that Billy should know, but he didn't anymore. It was Lisa, and despite the heat, his blood froze in his veins. She didn't tell him she was coming, because she could change her mind in the last minute, and she didn't want him to have any kind of expectations. Lisa realized right away that he was thinner, paler, his head shaved again. He was wearing the exact same clothes he did the night when he was busted: boots, jeans, a gray t-shirt. She got out of the car, not really knowing why. They were now just two strangers, with only a daughter in common.

"Hey", she said automatically, getting back in the driver seat. She knew he was eager to drive again, but she wouldn't say a word, and neither would he. Resigned, Billy got in the car, and remained silent for the entire drive. They had been apart for years and should have lots of catching up to do, but it wasn't like that. All Lisa could think about was the first Father's Day when she visited him in jail. She was still hurt, confused and overwhelmed, but didn't think twice about going to see him. And she would never forget the look on his face when she showed him a picture of Emma; he was obviously holding back all the emotions that had been locked up, but they were right in the middle of the prison yard, and he couldn't let it show. But Lisa knew that if he blinked a little harder, a tear would escape.

"She has blue eyes", Lisa said, making him grin.

"Let's hope it's the only thing she got from me."

"Let's hope not."

Back then, in her mixed feelings, Lisa still believed in him. She had seen that he was able to be happy living a relatively normal life. Her hopes faded with time, and all those feelings were now just ashes, memories of a relationship that she felt like it never existed. While Billy thought that Lisa would never forgive him, she knew she already did; however, forgiving him was not enough to make things all right again.

As for Billy, he was cautiously observing the surroundings, everything felt so strange and somehow new. He soon found himself overwhelmed with thoughts of what would happen next. He had no idea, despite having spent the last years thinking about it. For some reason, Billy expected that she had moved from Stokely Hall, but as she drove on, he realized that they were going back to the place that they used to call home. Now, he didn't know what to call it.

Lisa went up the stairs and opened the door. He stepped in, but she stood on the doorway.

"I need to run to the diner to see how things are going today. Just... just, you know. Make yourself at home." She didn't really want to say that, but she had had over three years to figure out what to do once he was out, and apparently, she needed more time to think about it. Billy felt the same way.

After Lisa left, Billy started to recognize what had changed in their house. Damn, it still felt like the safest place on earth, just like it did the first time he was there and kissed Lisa on that exact same spot. But the TV was now decent enough to watch the Superbowl, and the couch could comfortably accommodate a family of four. She had to go bigger with the dining table as well. Everything was spotless, as always. Billy ventured on to the kitchen and since it wasn't Lisa's favorite room in the house, it was almost the same, except for the contents in the fridge: besides a six-pack, there was nothing for people over 10 years old. He really needed to remember what beer tasted like. The first gulp was swallowed with enthusiasm; it quenched his thirst, and Billy was hoping that it would help settle his thoughts.

Now he was consciously stalling; he didn't want to go to what used to be their bedroom. He started with James' room. There were pictures of cars hanging on the walls, which made him smile proudly, since he was the one who got James into liking cars. He also had two shelves packed with car miniatures, all of them shiny as if they were brand new. Billy reached out to the bigger of them: a black Mustang, which made him wonder where his car was, and whether Lisa had sold it. She wouldn't do that, he thought; she liked it way too much. He put the car back where it was, took another sip from the beer, and without giving it much thought, headed to their bedroom. Their bed was still there; he sighed in pathetic relief. There hadn't been one night that he hadn't thought of Lisa finding someone else to love, and that thought was the one that hurt him the most. The bed was neatly made, the two pillows lying side by side. To his left, a pink and white little bed with half a dozen flower shaped cushions and a very weird looking stuffed giraffe. He sat down on their bed and stared at those colorful, cheerful little things, and couldn't help but think about the endless nights that Lisa spent alone in that bed, looking at a baby girl that had no father. And what's worse, the fact that he was out now didn't mean that she had a father either.

Billy put the beer on the nightstand and saw that Lisa had framed the birthday card that James gave him, the day when she told him she was pregnant. Before he knew it, he had to sweep a damn tear away.

"Fuck, I need a cigarette", he thought aloud, and searched Lisa's drawer for a pack, in vain. It was probably better not to keep on searching and mess up her things; the money that he had wasn't enough for a pack. There was not much left for him to do but curse, take a long, hot shower, and watch some TV.

Lisa told Billy that she was going to the diner, but she didn't know for sure where she was going. She drove around for a long time, not wanting to stop anywhere, and not really wanting to keep on driving either. Somehow she ended up at the diner, maybe her car already knew the way and drove by itself. The moment she stepped in, Greg was right at the corner of the counter. They had been working together for over 4 years, and he knew what she had been through. He wasn't exactly supportive of that whole situation she found herself in, and every once in a while he said that she was wasting her time with Billy, but that was about it. Lisa didn't tell him anything, and in turn, he didn't ask – it was their unspoken deal.

"Hey", he nodded. Lisa found it weird that he was behind the counter, as he was always in the office or, in a busy day like that, he was usually walking around the tables, making sure everything was running the way it should.

"What's up, Greg?"

"Not much. How was your morning?"

Lisa cut out the crap.

"Billy's out, if that's what you want to know". She was already checking the supplies, and she forced her mind to keep doing the math on what needed to be bought that day.

"Good", was his monosyllabic answer, and Lisa didn't mind. It wasn't like she wanted to open her heart to anyone anyway. She hid her feelings so well that, by then, no one knew how she felt about Billy, maybe not even herself.

They spent several minutes in silence. When Lisa headed to the office, Greg called her back, making her turn around on her feet.

"You don't need to be here, you know. Everything is under control, you can go."

"Oh, I do need to be here, Greg."

"All right, your call."

She stepped into the office, and then turned back again. When did she get that anxious and unsure? She breathed deeply and tried to reason. If she stayed, she would never be able to concentrate; if she left, she would have to face Billy, but that was bound to happen sooner or later. To hell with it. On her way home, Lisa stopped for cigarettes.

The TV was on and Billy was passed out on the couch. To think that it must have been the best nap he had in years, and the couch wasn't even that comfortable. When Lisa realized it, she was close to touching his face, which she regretted immediately, pulling back her hand. She placed the cigarette packs on the side table and went to her bedroom, tossing her shoes to one side, her bag to another, her thoughts scattered all over the place. He looked so peaceful, but Lisa knew that it only lasted while he slept. Lisa was never able to tame the beast inside him, ever, and that killed her. But still... she couldn't let go of him.

When she came back to the living room, he was up and looking at the cigarettes. Lisa went around the couch and put her old lighter on top of the packs.

"They're for you. We have no ashtrays, though."

Billy shook his head, as if to shake off some thought that was bothering him, and replied in that deep voice that still sent little shivers down her spine.

"That never stopped me from smoking here anyway."

"I guess you're right", Lisa said, glancing at the clock on the wall. "You hungry?"

She immediately remembered the times when she asked him that question in the past, and he replied with the most mischievous smile, sizing her up: "I'm starving." No more ambiguous answers, since there was nothing to be ambiguous about.

"I'd kill for a burger."

There was a whole different meaning to this unintentional pun now, but Lisa chose not to consider that at the moment.

"We would need to go out."

"Is that a problem for you?"

Everything they said meant lots of repressed frustration, disappointment and anger. And those feelings weren't going to go away soon. Lisa indeed had a problem with going out. She didn't know if she was ready to be seen in public with him again – people had judged her enough in the past 3 years. Billy decided for her and stated, after taking a long drag of the cigarette which he craved for so long:

"You look like you could use a burger or two; you've lost even more weight, haven't you?"

In fact, it was the skinniest that Lisa has ever been as a grown up. She went on to grab her purse and they went down the stairs. When Lisa put the key in the lock to open the driver's door, she felt Billy approaching her and placing his hand over hers.

"Let me drive", he almost whispered in her ear. There was no way she could deny that request.

"You don't have a valid license anymore", she said, already handing him the keys. He answered with a smile, and Lisa tried to ignore how good it felt to be by his side on the passenger seat once again. They drove off and stopped at a diner nearby. He wouldn't dare to go to The Dot Spot, where Lisa worked. In silence, they sat and flipped through the menu.

When the waiter came, it seemed like Billy's order was endless, and Lisa couldn't help but smile at his appetite. Her good mood faded after a few minutes, when she realized she had to bring up a serious subject.

"You know... Bodie has a job for you, if you want."

Billy kept looking through the window pane.

"Where?"

"He's working at a construction site nearby, said he can get you something there."

His thoughts were running, in disorder, through his head. He knew that he would have to work when he got out, but he couldn't wrap his head around working in a 9 to 5 job.

"How's the shop?"

"Still closed. You know we don't have enough money to open it up again."

Lisa avoided eye contact at all means. Harsh words needed to get out of her chest.

"You're lucky I didn't sell it. Or your car. You have no idea what we've been through."

"And what makes you think you know what I've been through, Lisa?"

He was right, and though there was no use blaming each other, they couldn't help it. Lisa swallowed the answer that was on the tip of her tongue and decided to bring back the job prospect.

"So, about the job..."

"I need to think about it."

This time, she needed to take a good look at him, and smiled, cynically.

"Yeah, think about it, Billy. I'm sure that there are a million employers out there who just can't wait to give a job to someone who just got out of jail."

Lisa couldn't decide what hurt the most: their words or their silence, which lasted the entire lunch. In the parking lot, he was already walking towards the driver's door, when Lisa walked past him.

"I'm taking you home. I need to pick up the kids."

As much as he missed James – and Emma, even though he never knew her -, Billy didn't even argue. They needed to take one step at a time, and the first steps were hard enough. He just observed Lisa driving, staring intently ahead, and for the first time in that day, there was something about her that he could recognize.

"Are you going to be here when we get back?", she asked, while he was getting out of the car. He walked around the car and bent down to meet her eyes.

"Yeah, I will."

Lisa stared into his eyes and allowed to lose herself in them for a split second.

"Please try not to fuck things up this time."

With that, she drove off, and Billy went inside.

"I'll try, babe. I swear I'll try."


	2. New Terrain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: All recognizable characters belong to their rightful owners. This story was written purely for fun and entertainment; no infringement was intended, and no profit was made.
> 
> Song: Hello World, Lady Antebellum

**_I see a little light, a little hope_ **

**_in a little girl_ **

**_hello world_ **

Billy watched as Lisa drove away in that hideous car she got, to God knows where. She didn't know shit about cars, and without him around, it was very likely that she bought a piece of crap. He looked around, trying to distinguish what had changed around Stokely Hall. Aside from a house that got renovated and another one who seemed like it had been taken over by gypsies, everything was pretty much the same. The buildings did seem washed out, but it might have been his eyes, used to the monochromatic life in jail. There was no one on the street but him - it was a Tuesday afternoon, who else would be hanging around on the street? Feeling out of place, Billy turned back to the building, and realized he would be just as out of place in her apartment. With a deep breath under the bright sun, he looked at the direction where Lisa went, and remembered that she said she hadn't sold his car. To know if she was saying the truth, he had to go to the body shop.

It wasn't until he was face to face with the metal door that he realized he didn't have the keys to the padlock anymore. It's not like it had stopped him before; it was his shop anyway, and he was entitled to get in.

Billy pushed back the high grass which now circled the place, headed for the back door. There was a small crack in the glass which served him and Joe very well when they were kids and needed a place to hide whenever they'd get into trouble, and Billy doubted that Lisa had fixed it. With a skilled hand, he found it and unlocked the door. Lisa hadn't been there in a long time, apparently; the air was heavy, the place smelled like old gas, oil and mold, and when he hit the lights, none of them worked. When it came down to choosing between which utility bills to pay, she had chosen her houses'. Billy walked around the shades, roaming over the free space, since there were no cars to be found; everything else was still there: their battered couch, his father's old, filthy desk, the tools that were scattered all over the place.

"Shit", he whispered, coming closer to a tool board and finding out that they were all rusty. To his left, something silver caught his eye; it was a car cover, and he couldn't help but smile when he began to uncover it.

"Hey, babe... daddy's here to take care of you now", he whispered to the Mustang like it was a secret, thankful that it was still there, his only joy in such weird times. No details went unnoticed: a new (at least new for him) scratch that could only be Lisa's fault; the paint, which was dry and cracked; and the glass from the driver's window was gone. Billy didn't expect it to be open, and he was right, but since the window wasn't there, he reached in and opened it from the inside.

He sat on the driver's seat and found his knees touching the wheel; he adjusted it to his size and experienced, once again, the feeling that the car was a part of him, it always has. It never failed him when Billy had to outrun the police; it carried more than a fair share of drugs and a couple of dead bodies; and in it, Billy had his first time with Lisa. The thought of not having slept with any other woman since then made him frown in disbelief, but that was the simple truth: there was no other woman for him. From their very first kiss, he felt a fire in her; a flame that was diminished but not gone, and burnt bright and hot when they met. He knew it because he shared that same heat, that same passion, burning for what was forbidden and wrong; deep inside, both of them were longing for someone who could come and make it right, who could make it worth. The only problem was that they weren't right enough themselves to fix each other.

The keys weren't in the ignition and Billy felt bad about hot-wiring his own car. Resigned, he ran his hand around the wheel. "You don't look good, babe. I know you're broken and nobody knows how to fix you, but I'm gonna do it. Only I know how to do it. I'm gonna make you even better than you were before. Then we can ride together again, just like old times", he said, marking his promise with a smirk. If he hadn't listened to himself, he could almost be convinced that he was really talking about the car.

Billy shook his head and opened the door, coming back to the real world where car and women metaphors didn't exist. He didn't expect that large, dry puddle of oil to be there still, after all that time, just to remind him of another car - the one that started it all.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"Hey, hey!", Billy yelled from a distance, seeing that Ewan was approaching the beaten Camaro that had just been dropped in the middle of their shop.

"It's leaking like shit, dog. I was going to take a look at it."

"Listen to me, hey, Sticks, Joe, come here", he ordered, and seconds later the three of them were gathered around their boss.

"See this car over here? No one - look at me, Ewan - no one touches it but me. Are we clear?"

"But Billy, you can't-"

"I said no one. Got that through your fucking skulls?"

They all nodded and turned around to leave.

"Joe, come here."

"What's up with the car?", Joe asked, getting closer to his brother. He knew well what that look on his face meant: trouble. To reinforce that idea, Billy walked towards his desk, away from the other guys.

"Belongs to Big Moe."

Joe shrugged.

"So what? It's not the first car that we've fixed that belonged to a dealer."

"It's the first one to have 50 pounds of stash underneath the floor", Billy stated, as if he was talking about the weather, lighting a cigarette.

"50 pounds? What... Why?"

"Because", Billy muffled, running a hand through his messy hair, "because I'm a fucking magnet to this shit. Big Moe said it's my payment."

"Whoa. Unless we have to remodel his car, he's overpaying us."

"He told me I could consider it a deposit. Un-fucking-believable", he said, pacing around.

"What are you going to do?"

"What are you going to do about what?", Lisa inquired, walking in and making their hearts skip a beat. Joe didn't care about it that much - it was Billy who had promised her that the life of crime was behind him, that he knew it wasn't worth it then, that he would make ends meet. And he was making ends meet. It was a rough start, but after a few months, cash started to flow and he could breathe a little more relieved. But something like that... it always made him think twice about that promise.

"Nothing, babe. It's just a little something with this car", Billy said, tossing the cigarette away and looking at Joe to make sure that his younger brother wouldn't say something he shouldn't. He then drove his attention to Lisa and her 5-month pregnant belly, which prompted Joe to mind his own business.

"How are you feeling today, babe?"

"I'm all right. I could have eaten something better at lunch if it wasn't for this never-ending heartburn."

Billy looked at her; her cheeks were rosy, despite the cold February weather; her hair pulled up in a ponytail, and a small smile was forming on her lips. She had never looked healthier.

"What?", Lisa asked with a smirk.

"Nothing. Emma makes you look even better."

"Rose."

"Emma."

"Billy, we're not discussing that again."

"You're right, let's not discuss it. Her name is Emma and that's that."

"Keep dreaming, Darley", she stated before planting a kiss on his lips. "Me, Rose and James will be waiting for you at home."

"Who's Rose? Why are you inviting strangers for dinner?"

Lisa shook her head on her way out. He wouldn't win that one.

"Fuck", Billy curse under his breath, feeling the weight of fatherhood pressing on his chest. "What the fuck am I supposed to do with this shit?"

"It's your call, man", Joe added, not making it any easier on his brother.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

The memory was still vivid in his head; it couldn't be different when he spent a good part of his time in jail thinking about the choice that changed everything. It was easy to say no, and he simply couldn't. The prospect of easy money was too brilliant; it would have been more brilliant if the money had ever happened.

He shook the thoughts away from his head and walked outside. There was nowhere to go but Lisa's place now. He lit up a cigarette feeling a bit guilty; he had to find a job real soon, because there was no way that he could live with the idea that he depended on Lisa to smoke a god damn cigarette.

Once he was inside the apartment, Billy didn't know what to do. Although the place was still familiar, he didn't know anything anymore - how their daily life was, what they used to eat for dinner, what they did after the kids arrived from school. He sat on the couch again, turned on the TV and started to get a hold of what was happening around the world and in their city first. He would take care of knowing about his family later, if he could still call them that.

Meanwhile, Lisa waited for James outside his school, with Emma already in her arms. The kid who used to run down the halls and into his arms was gone; now James walked towards her with his head low, and with zero enthusiasm. It was hard, but Lisa still tried her best, day after long day, to be a good mother – as good as James allowed her to be. No one really knew how hard it was for her to witness the transformation of her son. He had aged a decade in a couple of years and it simply wasn't fair, but she had spent enough nights wondering if James would go back to being the happy child he once was. She never found the answer.

They got into her car; Lisa strapped Emma to her baby seat, made sure James fastened his seat belt and got to her seat. She put the key in the ignition and it stood there, untouched, as she looked at him in the rear view mirror. His eyes were lost somewhere out the window.

"James."

He didn't look back at her, and she kept on going.

"James, I... I picked up Billy from jail today. He's out. Isn't that great?", she asked him with a half-hearted smile, not really expecting an answer. It took James a few seconds to meet his mother's eyes in the mirror, and he shot her a look she knew too well. It was the one that blamed her for the hell they've been through. And although Lisa knew he was right, it hurt her all the same. She turned the key and they drove off. Emma was entertained by her tiny stuffed hippo and didn't care much. It was easier when you were a 2-year old who had no recollection of her father and could form brand new memories of him.

Without a single word, they went up the stairs, Lisa carrying Emma and James dragging himself up behind them. She would hurry him up if she didn't know why he was stalling. When she opened the door, Billy jumped up from the couch, and Lisa fought hard to suppress a smile and the tears that clouded her eyes. Three years had passed, she was still his wife, he was still her man and that tiny girl in her arms was their daughter. That was the truth behind everything.

Billy put his hands over his mouth, so spontaneously that even Lisa was surprised. Emma was staring at him with her bright blue eyes and Lisa was right, she looked exactly like him. He hadn't seen many pictures of him as a baby, but in the ones he remembered, he looked like that. He opened his mouth to speak, and realized that if he said as much as a "wow", he wouldn't be able to hold himself together. Lisa, on the other hand, didn't care about that. A single tear, representing all the joy and the sorrow that Emma meant for her, rolled down her cheek.

"Emma, honey," she said, stroking her daughter's fine blonde hair, "this is William Darley... your father."

Her heart was wrenched as she saw Billy turn around so that she wouldn't see him crying, but it was useless. Lisa heard him sighing deeply and saw looking up to dry the tears from his eyes before he turned back, still in silence.

"Wanna hold her?"

He exhaled; his speech still unsure and filled with emotions that ran so deep that he couldn't even begin to understand.

"I don't... I don't know how."

Lisa tried to hold Emma so that he could pick her up, but she squirmed and buried her face in her mother's shoulder.

"It's ok, honey, I know", she whispered to Emma, and Billy stormed out the room. Too many things have changed, including himself.

 


	3. From Scratch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: All recognizable characters belong to their rightful owners. This story was written purely for fun and entertainment; no infringement was intended, and no profit was made.
> 
> Song: Disintegration, Jimmy Eat World

**_what happened to the love we both knew, we both chased_ **

**_hanging on a cigarette, you need me_ **

**_you burn me, you'll burn me_ **

Billy paced around the pavement, chain-smoking two cigarettes and trying to wrap his head around what had just happened. Emma was his daughter, he couldn't deny that if he wanted to - looking at her was like looking in the mirror. His gut reaction had been to reach out to her, but he was unsure of how to act around Lisa. He didn't know what she wanted from him, or what she didn't want. It wasn't like he knew either, and he thought it would be different.

While in prison, during the day, he tried to keep himself active; he enrolled in all the activities he could, and with his mind and body occupied, he didn't think about her. The nights were something else. They weren't silent, but they were heavy and restless and almost drove him insane. Not only did Billy miss all of her, but he also couldn't bring himself to stop thinking about the possibility of her finding someone else. There were endless nights, fueled with revenge, when he shook in his bed, his only solace being the thought of putting a bullet through the skull of any man who dared to approach her; in others, he drowned helplessly in thoughts of how hard it must had been for her, and if he knew how to pray, he would do it so that she found someone to help her out. As it got closer to his release, Billy grew surer of what he wanted: he wouldn't lose her again. He missed Lisa, but most of all, he missed the man that she had made out of him.

Back to Lisa's place, he felt exposed, almost naked; the years in jail had stripped him of his pride and that was as close he had ever been to being humbled. In there, looking proud was a matter of survival; out here, it didn't mean anything anymore.

The smell of homemade food guided him back to the apartment, where he found Lisa in the kitchen; there was a small playpen for Emma beside the fridge, so that she could keep an eye on her daughter while cooking. A spotless apron was hanging from her slim figure, her auburn hair pulled up from her bony face, in a tight ponytail. When Billy met Lisa, she was 27 and looked 22; now she was 31 and looking her real age. He felt guilty of that too.

Lisa took a good look at him, unrecognizable as he was. Physically, little had changed, but she saw him now as an abused circus lion. When captured, he resisted and tried, in vain, to show them why he was the king of the jungle. They had subdued him; forcefully removed his claws and fangs; tired of not being able to be who he was anymore, eventually he gave up. She could see that the beast was still there somewhere, but his will to be majestic was long gone.

"Where's James?"

"In his room," she replied without taking her eyes or her attention off the chopping board. "Playing videogame."

"Doesn't he... doesn't he help you? I mean, he used to."

"There's a lot he doesn't do anymore", she replied bluntly. There was a gaping space between them, and yet there was no room for bullshit. Their silence was interrupted by a honk, coming from one of Emma's toys. She was quiet in her playpen, but playing actively.

"How is she doing? I mean, is everything ok with her?", Billy asked, knowing that there must have been a specific term for what he wanted to say, but being unable to find it.

"She's all right. She just doesn't talk much, but... I guess that's just one more thing she got from her father."

That sentence played differently in Billy's mind. Lisa should be smiling whenever she spoke of her kids, and her face was impassive, emotionless even. He started to understand how much she resented the fact that her daughter had so much from a father who wasn't there for her. For them.

"It's been very quiet in this house", Lisa added, and he didn't know what to make of it. It did remind him of someone who used to talk more than he should, all the time.

"Have you seen Joe?"

She stopped stirring the pan for a moment, as she considered the answer.

"I, uh... I haven't seen him in a long time, sorry. Last time I visited him..."

"Last time? You mean you visited him more than once?", Billy asked, incredulous. He could count on the fingers of one hand the times she had visited him.

"Yes", she affirmed without hesitation. Even though Billy knew that Joe deserved her presence more than he did, it was a pinprick to what was left of his pride. She went on as she started placing the table.

"Last time I saw him, he was talking a lot about finding God, which is good, I guess. Next time I went there, though, he had been released and vanished. Never saw him again."

Through all those years, Billy hadn't considered not seeing his brother ever again until that moment. He had no idea what Joe was doing, where he was living, who he was living with. Had he found God? Joe? No, that wasn't likely. The Darleys weren't meant to find God; they had always been closer to the other guy.

"Have you tried looking for him at least?"

Lisa shot him a scolding look on her way out of the kitchen.

"Of course I did, for a while. I didn't really have that much free time, so eventually I dropped it. Figured if he wanted to talk to me or to you, he knew where to find both of us."

His gaze followed her as she quickly went through dinner procedures: she set Emma's chair, her tiny plastic plate and fork/spoon set and Billy couldn't take his eyes off his baby, their baby. She was as perfect as he could have hoped for: all of her toes and fingers and the way she struggled not to make a complete mess with her food. A couple of minutes later, when Lisa joined them at the table, there was food all over Emma's face, and a smile plastered on Billy's.

"She's still messy at the table", Lisa said, sitting down.

"She's smart. I guess she took that from you."

"I have to agree."

"Where's James?"

"Says he's not hungry", she replied, eyes down on her plate. Emma's noises and clanking cutlery filled the void that followed.

"Isn't he going to have dinner?"

Lisa dropped her fork and looked at him, cocking her head to the side.

"Parental advice? Seriously?"

"I just thought..."

"Well, don't."

They spent the rest of the dinner in silence; Billy wouldn't dare say anything else after her last reply. He did reach out to clean Emma's mouth twice, and Lisa didn't seem to mind.

"You should go talk to Bodie tonight."

"I will. About that job, right?", he asked, leaning on the sink next to her.

"Not only that. See, Bodie is living alone now, Alma and Mama Jo moved to Mama's sister house - her sister died last year. You could... you know."

That was it. He really didn't belong anywhere.

"I thought you wanted me to stay", he said almost in a whisper, facing her shifty eyes.

"Billy, I-" she interrupted herself and closed the tap. "I had three years to think about what I wanted, and somehow it wasn't enough. I just think you shouldn't stay here. It will be better for the kids. I don't want them to be confused."

"It's not like things went smooth between Bodie and I."

"Things didn't go smooth between us as well, Billy. And yet, here we are."

"I'll talk to him. But what if..."

"If he doesn't like the idea, I hope you like the new couch", she said, hanging the apron behind the door, getting Emma from the living room floor and vanishing into James' room.

With a sigh, Billy went down the stairs and knocked on the door. He hadn't seen Bodie since the day he went on trial; they hadn't spoken since the night when the arrest took place. When Bodie opened the door, it showed; they went a long time just acknowledging each other without saying a word.

"When did you get out?"

"Today."

"Good."

Bodie's eyes burned with disappointment and Billy's eyes weren't less unforgiving.

"Lisa said you may have a job for me."

He opened the door all the way and Billy came in. The place wasn't nearly as bad as Billy expected it to be. He never thought his friend would survive one week on his own. A lot had changed.

"They need people at the construction site. Experience is needed, but... I might be able to put you in. If you want", Bodie said, coming back from the kitchen with two beers.

"I need it", Billy said after taking one large gulp. "I can't go on depending on Lisa another day. Plus I learned a thing or two about building in jail."

"Where are you staying?"

Billy turned around and felt the beer taste becoming a bit more sour in his mouth.

"I don't know. Lisa said I shouldn't stay there, cause it's no good for the kids."

"She's right", Bodie said, making Billy look back at him. "I got a spare room. You can stay here."

Billy couldn't help but remember how Bodie refused to be part of the job that got them in jail. How mad he was at him for it. Billy had called him a traitor to his face. He was already working for the builder he was working now, and he didn't want to risk his job then; it just didn't seem fair that Billy was the only one risking something. The night they were arrested, Bodie couldn't find a lawyer they could afford. All that Billy could think of was that if he had gone with them in the first place, they wouldn't have been caught. Of course he didn't know that, but it fed his anger and that was the only feeling he nurtured for the first months after his arrest. It ate him from the inside, but it also kept him alive.

"She has been through enough", Bodie concluded after downing was was left in his bottle. Billy twisted the bottle in his hand and watched the liquid circle around.

"Do you think she... I mean, we...", he stuttered, knowing that question was too stupid to be asked. After all that time, through all the bitterness, he still didn't need to finish his sentence - his friend, his brother knew what he meant. Bodie shook his head.

"You gotta let it burn, man."

It did burn. It burned and stung and made Billy feel light in the head. How could he let it go? Forgetting Lisa was out of the question.

"After a couple of months... she was the only thing that kept me going. She and Emma are the reason why I got out", he trailed off, reminiscing the times when he considered not coming out of that hell. The dark nights when he was ready to give up, and Lisa always found her way into his mind. He either saw the gold sparkles in her eyes, or smelled a whiff of her scent. Wherever he was, she never failed to save him.

"She's suffered more than she should. She and the kids. You don't know, you have no idea just how hard it was on her. Do you remember the night you got busted?"

Billy nodded. There was nothing to do but listen.

"I brought her home. She started crying the moment she got in the car, and I think she went on for a couple of days. Alma spent hours and hours just trying to get her to eat something. She was pregnant with your child, man. Your child. And suddenly she had nothing because you got too fucking greedy."

He paused before saying the words Billy didn't want to hear.

"Lisa moved on, man. You have to try to as well."

Billy swallowed hard. There was nothing but her, nowhere to go but her arms. He couldn't move on, and he didn't want to. His guts churned as he contemplated the possibility he dreaded the most.

"Is she... is she seeing someone?"

Bodie chuckled.

"Un-fucking-believable. You just got out of jail after three years, you don't have a job or even a bed to sleep in and that's what you're worried about?"

"I'm not worried", he lied his way through.

"Right. Well, it doesn't really matter anyway. I... Give me a couple of minutes to throw something on the bed", he said, standing straight. "But I ain't got two pillows for you."

"You're forgetting where I spent the last 1,075 nights, man."

It had been a while since he said that number out loud, and it sounded just as long as it felt.

"I'll go get my cigarettes."

"Let me see if I have a spare key", Bodie said, searching his pockets. Billy was already on his way out.

"Never stopped me before."

"Maybe you need to stop doing things the way you did before, Billy."

He went up the stairs quickly and got inside, only to find all the lights out and a complete silence. He tried to move quietly not to wake anyone up, and as he searched the side table, the pack of cigarettes wasn't there. There was no way he could go back without them - things were already too damn hard to face as they were.

With careful steps he approached Lisa's bedroom - their bedroom; the door was open but the bed was empty. He moved closer and caught a glimpse of her silhouette by the window, wearing shorts and a t-shirt, smoking a cigarette. Emma was sleeping peacefully in her crib, and Lisa turned her head when she felt his presence. There was a glistening trail left by a couple of tears on her cheek.

"Sorry. These are yours," she said, giving him the packs and the lighter, and flicking the cigarette butt out the window the same way she did years ago.

"No problem. I just came back for these. I'm gonna stay with Bodie", he said, keeping his voice down to a whisper.

"That's... good."

"I'm also starting to work tomorrow."

She paused for a second and smiled.

"I would pay good money to see you working in a 9 to 5 job, taking orders from strangers."

"I can do this. For you I can. For us."

Billy took her tired face in his hands and saw another sorrowful tear flow from her eyes. At that moment he swore he wouldn't fuck it up again. He loved her too much. He needed to lose everything to find that out. She looked away and took a step back. They needed time.

"Here", she said, opening her wardrobe and pulling out a black duffle bag. "I couldn't keep everything, but I hope it's enough."

"Thanks."

She went back to the window and he understood she needed to be alone with her thoughts.

"Good night, babe."

Billy put the duffle bag on the bed and opened it up. His clothes were all neatly folded, except for one - a white V-neck t-shirt that was crumpled on top of the others. He pulled it up and stretched it out; there were some yellowish stains and gray smudges on it. The latter, he didn't recognize; as for the stains, he was pretty sure they were tears. Or maybe he just wanted them to be. Knowing that Lisa had cried for him gave him a little comfort, a little hope that there was enough feeling left for them to be together again. The t-shirt was stained and smudged; still, he slept in it.


	4. A Vicarious Occasion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Death Sentence. Featured song: Lie to Me, Bon Jovi.

__

_**it feels like there's a stranger standing in these shoes  
but I know I can't lose me, 'cause then I'd be losing you**_

 __

His eyes snapped open at 6am sharp, even though Bodie had told him the night before that they had to wake up at around 7. But Billy's body was already used to waking up at 6 and finding a bunk bed above him, and that morning was a welcome change of events. It did take him a while to fully realize where he was, and even longer to comprehend that he woke up free.  
Free.  
There wasn't a day when Billy didn't think of what he was going to do on his first day after being released. Sleep until noon, jump on the Mustang and drive off. Just drive, for hours, until he felt like stopping for lunch. Then go home to find Lisa, and James, and Emma. Watch her run around with dinner. Put the kids in bed, and then...  
Only he wasn't going to do any of that. Actually, that day was very different from everything he had imagined. Billy woke up early, alone, he was willing to go to work – a regular 9 to 5 work. Maybe willing wasn't the right word, he needed to go to work. He needed to get his life together, or he would lose her for good. That thought alone stirred him up enough to get him out of bed. He reached out for his cigarettes and headed to the window.  
Lisa sat on her bed, and was pulling her hair up in a sloppy ponytail when she smelled a faint scent of smoke coming through her window, and since Bodie didn't smoke, she knew exactly who it was. Without giving it much more thought, she stuck her head out the window and looked down to her right.  
"Billy?"  
He frowned and cocked his head, wondering if he was imagining things, hearing things. Did jail mess him up that bad?  
"Billy, it's me. Look up", she said, rolling her eyes.  
He turned his head to find her, messed up hair, dark circles under her eyes. One more sleepless night, even though he was already out. Lisa wondered if she would be able to get a decent night of rest ever again. Still, with all that going on, she was the only thing he wanted to see early that morning.  
"You can come up for breakfast if you want. Not sure if Bodie even has breakfast."  
Billy let his head hang down with a smirk he didn't even try to conceal. Years ago, such an invitation would come with a mischievous grin. But now, breakfast was breakfast, and you know what? He'd love to.  
"I'll be right up."

He put an effort to it. Well, as much effort as he could put having close to no clothes left. He took a shower, shaved, brushed his teeth, silently thanking for the little joys, such as being able to use a decent razor again. A decent soap. A shower that was hot enough. Then he slipped on a clean white t-shirt, jeans and boots. Lisa liked that look, or at least she used to. Billy wasn't sure of anything anymore.  
He flew up the stairs, the smell of freshly brewed coffee guiding him over and bringing memories he had to bury in order not to go crazy while locked up. It was time for new memories.  
The door was ajar, so he walked in; he had been invited after all. Seeing that there was no one in the living room, Billy went to the kitchen to find Lisa flipping pancakes. It took him all his might not to sneak up on her and hold her, bury his head in her shoulder and tell her that he missed her so fucking much. The scene played in his head while he stood by the doorway.  
"Billy?"  
He blinked and realized he'd been staring at her.  
"Sorry, it's just that... pancakes. Haven't had them in years."  
Lisa couldn't help but smile a little, knowing that it wasn't about the pancakes. It was more than enough to make him smile big.  
"I know."  
She poured coffee in a large mug and handed it to him. It tasted just as good as it smelled. Billy wondered if that was because he had spent too much time drinking shitty coffee, but he chose to believe that it was really that delicious.  
Emma stirred in her playpen and started to whine, as to remind them that she was there. Lisa was about to turn back to her when Billy placed the mug on the corner of the sink, stretching out his arm and touching Lisa's shoulder.  
"Let me."  
She leaned back and crossed her arms to watch that improbable scene. It was good to have him around, but it wasn't good that she was enjoying it that much. Billy bent over, as tall and strong as he still was, and picked Emma up. Lisa thought he'd be all clumsy since he had zero experience with babies, but she was wrong. He held her close, with ease, as if he'd been doing that for years.  
"Hey. It's all right, baby girl. It's all right."  
Their eyes were the exact same shade of blue. Lisa stared at them for another second as their daughter looked at Billy intently, as if trying to recognize her father. He ran his fingers over her thin blond hair and Lisa turned back to the stove. No sleepless night, no endless crying could have prepared her to see them reunited. That, right there, was what they could have had, if he hadn't fucked it all up.  
A small, cracking voice broke that frail harmony.  
"Why he's here?"  
Same question, four years later. James was standing in the living room, not daring to go into the kitchen, like he didn't belong in that fleeting moment of happiness. Billy turned to him, looking for the sweet, slightly scared little boy he once knew; he saw anger and resentment instead. Meanwhile, Lisa struggled to find the words.  
"He's uh... he came here to..."  
"I just came to get the keys to the Mustang", Billy stated to save her from being embarrassed in front of her own son, which wasn't fair. So much for pancakes. He placed Emma back in her playpen, to which she protested a little. Lisa couldn't take her eyes off of James, so young and so scarred. Like she was. Like Billy was. What a shitty vicious circle.  
"I... I am gonna get the keys."  
With that, she left Billy and James staring at each other. Lots to be said, nothing being said. But they had to start somewhere, Billy thought.  
"So, how's everything? How's school?"  
It wasn't small talk. Billy really wanted to know how he was doing, even though the answer was pretty apparent in the kid's blank stare. James didn't say a word, and his silence sounded like a scream to Billy. He limited himself to turn around and go back to his room, at the same time that Lisa came back and placed the key in Billy's hand.  
"Here. Not sure where you're going with it, though."  
Billy held her hand in his, not willing to let her go that easily. She looked down, in an attempt to shake off the feeling. That feeling that made her want to drop everything and kiss him good morning. And she knew that one look would be enough for her to give in.  
"I'm not going anywhere, at least not yet. I... I've got a lot of things to fix", he said, knowing that she understood what he meant. Not just the car. Their lives.  
He let go of her hand.  
"I'll see you later."

His palms were sweaty. Not a good moment to be nervous, right before meeting your new boss for the very first time. Billy ran his hands over his jeans to dry them off and cracked his neck. A couple of seconds later, he heard steps coming closer and stood up, pushing back his chair.  
"Darley, right?"  
"Yes. Good to meet you, Mr. Sullivan."  
"Please", the sturdy man plopped down on his chair, making Billy think that it was way too early in the day to be sweating that much. "Just call me Rick."  
"All right... Rick. Listen, uh, thanks for agreeing to see me. I don't really have much experience but... I really think I can do this."  
"No problem, you just have to learn fast because we have no time to waste over here. That being said, we need big guys like you."  
Billy let out a nervous chuckle. It turned out that yes, he was very anxious when it came to the only thing that could put him back on the right track.  
"I will learn fast, don't worry about it. I just... I need this job."  
His new boss took a good look at him, cocking his head to the side, running a hand over his graying beard.  
"Yeah, Bodie told me. Trafficking, right?"  
"It wasn't...", Billy trailed off. It would be useless to explain it to him, as it was useless to explain it to the judge. Either way, that wasn't exactly how it happened.

xXxxXxxXxxXxxXx  
Lisa was in a bad mood even before she could find her phone on the nightstand. Being close to 6 months pregnant, sleeping wasn't an easy task and everyone who interrupted her deserved the most horrible form of punishment. Alma's name was blinking in bright letters on the screen. Well, that was one person who didn't deserve any kind of punishment. Lisa opened her mouth to answer, but didn't have time to do it.  
"Lisa? Lisa, it's Alma. Sorry to wake you up, but you have to go... I'll be up there in 5."  
"What the...?"  
Alma hung up on her, and she sat up straight in bed, staring at the phone. Lisa couldn't be dreaming. It was 3:38 in the morning and it started to sink in that if she needed to go somewhere at that time, it was either to the hospital, the jail or the morgue. That was the order of the places she didn't want to go to. Those scrambled thoughts landed with a thud in her stomach, making her jump off her bed to get rid of everything she hadn't eaten. When Alma arrived, Lisa was already putting on the first pair of jeans and sweater she saw and brushing her teeth at the same time. Alma was pacing around in the living room when Lisa came out to see her.  
"Where am I going?", Lisa asked, trying to keep herself calm enough not to feel sick again.  
"10th precinct. Bodie will be there later on with a lawyer", Alma replied, staring at Lisa, waiting for her reaction. A precinct. Bodie wasn't there. Lisa was unable to put the pieces together and it showed on her face. There was no way around it.  
"Billy and Joe were arrested."  
"What?"  
It could only be a bad dream. Lisa had seen Billy at the body shop earlier that day. He had told her they were going out to celebrate Ewan's birthday. They were celebrating, not being arrested. Alma kept looking at her friend, waiting for it to sink in. It didn't.  
"No. No. They were out to celebrate," Lisa raised her voice and Alma widened her eyes, reminding Lisa that James was still asleep. "They were... why?"  
"They got busted with a whole lot of cocaine in a house by the bridge, like an hour ago," she stated calmly, knowing that Lisa needed time to comprehend what was going on. "Bodie was sleeping when Billy called him. He's trying to find a lawyer and will meet you there as soon as he can."  
The full weight of the situation took the ground from beneath Lisa and Alma had to step forward to hold her arm before she lost her balance.  
"I will... I have to...", Lisa stuttered, blinking several times as to gain clarity, and it worked. She steadied herself and her unborn child, grabbed a coat, her handbag and stormed out. She would deal with the speeding tickets later. In a matter of minutes, she was facing one of the cops in the precinct. Bodie was still nowhere to be seen.  
"I'm here to see my... husband. William James Darley."  
The tired cop gave her a sideways look and apparently he didn't need to check anything; he stood up and Lisa followed him through a couple of whitewashed hallways, clinging to her bag, scared and numb and completely surrendered to that chain of events. Through a small window she took a glance at Billy; a second later, the door was open and Lisa hesitated. It was the only time she saw him look defeated. He hung his head low and clasped his hands together on the table, as if he had already been cuffed. She heard the door closing heavily behind her and took a seat in front on him. For a moment, they stared at each other without reservations. Lisa looked at him in disbelief, disappointment, and a hint of despair that was starting to find its way into her heart; his expression was a bit more enigmatic. Lisa wished she could see regret in his eyes... she didn't. Either he didn't care about being caught, or he was very good at disguising it.  
The rosy cheeks and confident look Billy had seen just hours before had been replaced by pale skin and deep, dark circles under her opaque eyes. All the hope he found in her was gone, and realizing that made Billy shift, uneasy, in his chair. He was the one to give her the greatest of joys in form of a child; and he was also the one to take all that happiness away in a night. Just like that. Everything – every dream, every possibility was lost for them because he was unable to say no.  
Her words came out tired.  
"Why didn't you call me?"  
"I didn't want to wake you up. Plus, you didn't need to come. Bodie will get us a lawyer and we'll be out in a couple of hours."  
Her eyes burned hot with tears.  
"You know that's not true. Alma told me what happened."  
"She doesn't know shit", he said, glancing over her shoulder to the glass panel, where the police officer was probably hearing everything they said. Lisa took a deep breath and tried not to panic. At least not right then.  
"Where's Joe?"  
"I don't know. They're probably holding him in another room, trying to fish for a confession. Not gonna happen."  
"I'm... I'm gonna see if I can find him", Lisa said, standing up. She changed her mind on her way out and turned around before she reached the door.  
"Can you at least tell me why? We were making a decent amount of money, I am pregnant with your baby, so please, just tell me why. I think I deserve to know this much."  
He raised his eyes to meet hers and a long moment of silence dropped in between them, as Lisa realized one last thing: that she would raise another child on her own; that Billy would go to jail and she would go back to their place and sleep alone again. All alone. Again. And he never even answered her question.


End file.
